How much does a polar bear weigh? CRY YOURSELF A RIVER, BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET OVER IT!!! I dont have any trash to take out today, but I volunteer you as tribute. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Until then, Im glad we have each other. Cherry Blossoms In . Do yourself a favor and ignore anyone who tells you to be yourself. Some people hatch into whatever the hell you are. Its your chance to pounce. Continue reading and youre gonna find it. Thank you for calling! Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Don't worry, I wasn't offended. If you like these savage roasts that hurt, youll also like these absolutely hilarious and best yo mama jokes. I was just calling to let you know about your car insurance warranty. Hey baby are you American cheese because you come as a single now. Id choose your company over pizza anytime. You fear success, but you really have nothing to worry about. Everyone brings happiness to a room. Savage Comebacks. Bipolar disorder isnt a joke. And we enjoy feeling superior, even a little bit, to someone who has made us feel smaller, less important, or less intelligent. You can be anal about details and not OCD. How to Be Funny: 7 Easy Steps to Improve Your Humor. Its the easy recourse of a coward who feels perfectly comfortable arrogantly dismissing the words of someone who isnt there to challenge him. Roses are red, violets are blue, the trash is dumped and so are you. Usually a bad example, though. I still have mine. (and then wait a few hours to reply with something totally random). Did I hurt your ego? You dont know what youre talking about., 14. I grew up. 2. Here are some of the most-liked, and RUTHLESS, comments: 1 . For that matter, why do we ever use hurtful words to describe someone? Some are genuinely fascinating, while some are too funny (not to mention totally relatable) that we needed to share them with you. We look so good together. Im just smarter than you. Id say youre dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open. Please, dont stop, keep talking. Its scary to think people like you are allowed to vote. If you want to write something more unique before Happy Valentines Day, here are some cheesy lines. You dont know whether anyone who hears these words has ever been suicidal or has suffered as a result of a suicide, so its best not to use language like this. "You're doing it wrong. What do boyfriends and mascara have in common? "Grow a pair." 23. If youre waiting for me to start care, I hope you brought something for eating, because its gonna be a long time. So please do vote or expand thisroast list with your own mean creation. I'm as useful as a white crayon on black paper. Enough to break the ice. Good. Don't worry, i'll be there too, not in a cage but laughing at you! If Isaidanything to offend you it was purely intentional. I'm just happy that you can construct sensible sentences now. 11. No matter how many shmucks I meet in my life, I can always trust you to be the absolute worst. A little jovial selfdeprecation robs a foe of thier ability to verbally spar. Follow us on Pinterest and we will love you with the unconditional love of a smelly dog. I dont want to rain on your parade. If you want more good roast lines and other awesome stuff, check out 35 funny Spongebob roasts, quotes, and jokes.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1','ezslot_7',199,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-1-0'); Im sure youre gonna like these roasting lines because theyre brutal yet witty.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_11',618,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); These are the most brutal roasts youll ever find. There might be affiliate links on some of the pages of this site, which means we could earn a small commission of anything you buy. If looking good were a crime, you would have been arrested several times a day. We might have the phrase "Son of a bitch" in English, but Spaniards take things a bit further. You have a lot in common with the wart on my toe: Youre hard to get rid of, and I cant stand the pain you bring me daily. Watch more comedic movies and TV shows to get a better grasp on funny cultural references. If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world. LETS BURY IT! Id finally get some peace and quiet. A broken drumyou cant beat it! Im not an astronomer but I am pretty sure the earth revolves around the sun and not you. . While were alive, were likely to experience failure or success, as long as were still doing things and striving to reach our goals. These roasts are perfect both for school and bullies. Related: Why People Are So Mean And How To Deal With Them. I thought you were the monster under my bed. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Id slap you but I dont want to make your face look any better. Everyone makes mistakes. 18 Valorant Memes Too Funny For Words. An apple a day keeps the doctor away if you throw it hard enough! After all, I am always kind to animals. Its a real, diagnosable mental health disorder, and those who live with it arent just bipolar on certain days. A more common variant is She doesnt know what shes talking about, since these words are often spoken by a male to discredit a female who isnt in the room and therefore cannot (immediately) defend herself. Take your parents, for instance. I might be crazy, but crazy is better than stupid. Today marks the anniversary of the day you dove into the world head-first! How awful. You dont want to match their ridiculousness. i have 5 fingers, each one resembles a person. I gave out all my trophies a while ago, but heres a participation award. Well, it looks like you made it another year. May both sides of your pillow be uncomfortably warm. 1. Im lonely, not desperate. 27. What do you say to single people on Valentines Day? People are like refrigerators: its whats inside that matters. It looks like she went into Claires Boutique, fell on a sale rack and said, Ill take it! Men or women might use this expression to goad another man into doing something they want him to do, whether its in his best interests or not. what happened to you it looks like corona just hit un ur area. You can probably think of a list of hurtful words and phrases that have become the go-to expressions of people youve met. You sound reasonable Time to up my medication. Manage Settings Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you. Youre the whole royal family. You have no idea what youve done! I do when I enter, you do when you leave. If youve experienced that yourself, you probably dont wish it on anyone else. Unfortunately, the blueprints are messy, written in Mandarin, and waterlogged beyond all recognition. Thats your parents job. 345 other terms for toxic- words and phrases with similar meaning. Id explain it to you but I left my English-to-Dumbass Dictionary at home. A woman passing by remarks: If you were any sort of a gentleman, youd lift your hat to a lady. He replies: If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself., Whenever your ex says youll never find someone like me, the answer to that is: Thats the point.. Some people are particularly sensitive to the messages their body is sending them. Like my dog. These insults are going to convince others to stop treating you so poorly: These are the best insults to use on anyone who gets on your nerves: Use these quotes to put your enemies in their place: January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. Everyone has the right to be stupid sometimes, but you are REALLY abusing the privilege. And maybe youve felt called out, shamed, or devalued by someone elses thoughtless remarks. Youre entitled to your incorrect opinion. Are you at a loss for words, or did you exhaust your entire vocabulary? OH MY GOD, Ive been waiting to hear from you all day. When everything in life is coming your way, youre probably in the wrong lane. It just takes me a moment to process so much stupid information all at once. I was going to make a joke about your life, but I see life beat me to the punch. If you were a library book, Id check you out. Allow me to assist you in never walking again. 91 Short Jokes//172 Dad Jokes//91 Corny Jokes//75 Stupid Jokes//82 Dark Humor Jokes You're calling me gay? Dont hate me because Im beautiful. Its likely that theres something going on with that person that hasnt yet been addressed. Maybe we take some pleasure in finding a particularly apt insult for someone who has wronged us. If I had a dollar for ever time I wanted to throw you out a window, I'd have more money than Bill Gates. I would prefer a battle of wits, but you appear unarmed. Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? When karma comes back to punch you in the face, I want to be there in case it needs help. "It's all in your head." 26. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows you know. No, not thereeverywhere. I thought of you today. Im not insulting you, Im describing you. Shouldn't you be in the sewers because I've thought that you were a rat. You should come with a warning label. But its not a favor to remind someone of how they continue to disappoint your expectations of them, however reasonable you think those are. Because youve got my interest. words. Then I met you. Birthdays are the perfect opportunity to celebrate the people you love and make them feel special. One says to the other: Do these genes make me look fat?. Worse, you dont want them to have the last word, So, weve compiled a list here of 100 comebacks that you might want to use the next time your friend hurts you or makes you mad. Youre more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. However, toxic gamers will insult their opponents or teammates during, or after, they've had a poor game. 30. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Their apparent need for drama is their way of crying out for attention to something that has been ignored for too long. Related: 12 Of The Worst Negative Personality Traits That Are Truly Nasty. Roses r red, violets r blue, a face like yours belongs in a zoo. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Then please vote on your favorite roast below because your opinion matters. nouns. Try this: When you shake someones hand, jokingly say, Im so glad you had the privilege of meeting me. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. Youre not simply a drama queen. You may stop farting now. [wait for her to answer did what hurt?] When you fell from heaven. 12. Isnt it dangerous to use your whole vocabulary in one sentence? They host a movie night every . if your gonna be such a two faced jerk at least make one of them prettier, You so ugly , you made Kanye West , go east to avoid you, your mom so fat wen she. Its a bigoted response to anything that doesnt line up with someones narrow idea of what it means to be an American Christian. Youve probably seen someone stop another persons talking by putting a hand up to their face, as if to say, Talk to the hand. Its a rude and dismissive way of saying, I dont care about what youre saying.. You see that door? Just remember that you dont want to come across as too clingy. It shouldnt be hard to realize this since no one wants to be told their ideas are dumb., This word had an even stronger negative connotation than dumb.. I want a typhoon. If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to your ego and jump to your IQ. This is a lose-lose situation for me. "No one has ever said 'no' to . You almost reached a level of coherency resembling my newborn son. (& Other Questions! If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. No wonder your mom has such a big mouth, you have one the size of a whole house. "You're in my way." 22. You better pay it extra. But theres nothing quite like LOLing when your friend sends you a random midday text with something hilarious. You must be tired because youve been walking through my mind all day. Congrats! Thanks for helping me understand that. And no one who points that out is overreacting or being oversensitive.. 9 out of 10 voices in my head tell me I'm crazy.