It’s like I’m a little scared of what will happen, and because deep down I still want him to want me. I will not contact him. Why am i so desperate for him to want me and love me. As soon as we got together he begins to start controlling me treating me like shit, going MIA and just doing things that didn’t feel right. I want him to regret and feel the terrible pain he has put me through. He will never get to meet any of these women as he never leaves his flat. Ergebnis. My health has been affected and I’ve lost so much weight people are commenting on it. Hello ladies you can do this we dont need people like that .. i went nc about 20 minutes ago after a few years of total abuse n rows n verbal insults ..and i can already feel the junk feelings washing off me.i plan to shower and visualise all the crap just running away down the drain.. there is an app on play store by john smith called extreme call blocker man it works … i have it set to hang up if doolally del rings and sms are erased soon as they hit my phone.. im in the uk if any body wants to chat ??? That was a great read. Then he started emailing. The most breath taking thing was this person got the proofs in 4 hours! He eventually did get counseling. Attorney says I’m letting him get away with not being responsible. I feel like I must be going crazy but then I read and so many people are describing what I am dealing with and feeling to a tee. When he finally reached out I didn’t respond. You (nor anyone else in this lifetime) will EVER be the one to change him. They’ve been doing reconnaissance since the day you met. There’s so much effort to purge someone from our lives nowadays. Wow one of the best Narc articles and threads I’ve ever read. And I wish that I had never met this horrible excuse for a human being. This website has showed me the importance of NO CONTACT. 6 months on/off. Thank you for this blog – super helpful – especially when I can’t find a friend to help me. They prey on the weak and they will destroy you if you let them. You are the one who will end up suffering and never get what you truly deserve – … I have been married for 20 years. I then believed her, but I still kept it in the back of my mind. Before you confront him, don't make these three mistakes that women make all-too-often when they suspect their man is cheating. It sad to say I spent 10 years of my life dealing with him. I came back bc of that ugly sickening I can’t live without him, I will always be alone… pain in the stomach! Thankfully It didn’t ignite any feelings for him. It was like he put something on me so that I could never stop loving him as much as he hurt me over and over again. 5. I just don’t give a darn about life any longer. He’s so hot, etc.”. But to the everyday passerby he is very friendly and charming and people like him but he has everyone fooled. I thought at first he was just settling in, but it kept getting worse. I’m no good at expressing myself through writing but I was wanting some of ur advice please. He has lots of acquaintances because once people really get to know him they see how crazy and fake he is. She tried many tactics, and I didn’t respond for days. I did trust her but everything that she would do or say made me think or feel otherwise. His mom even called me a “stuipd c_nt”. Worn out. But what about when it is your sister? Watch to see if she tries to avoid saying the words–by changing the subject or just ignoring your effort. The general rule of thumb for a Narc is that when they are generous it’s not for the sake of being generous – it’s for how it will make them look and the supply they can glean from that. Trust me, what’s underneath is full of rage and hate (self-directed) and tremendous insecurity and lack of any real self-worth. But looking back he was Not as detailed as he should have been to rest my broken heart. If you’ve caught him hiding a massive secret or two (like he-lost-his-job-and-didn’t-tell-you-for-months huge), it’s certainly feasible that he’s capable of hiding a side chick. Now I’ve told her I need closure so I can forgive her and move on with my life and have peace. if you think he cheating make him spaghetti meaning, e-mail; Ausgangslage. It’s damn hard, but my sanity and happiness comes first. One breath, I want him to email me and the same breath I know it will lead to no good. It is such a turnoff at this point and so exhausting. Even now 2 months later, I still find out what he’s been up to, how many women he’s been cheating on me with. Great to see that hopefully all have you have disposed of the narcs for good? I always am made to feel like I am absolutely batshit nuts whenever I voice any of these concerns. I was so close in breaking the No Contact and reading this has been the slap on the forehead that has prevented me from falling for it . Move, if she won’t stay away. Didnt wish her happy birthday for the first time like I always did nor congratulate her on her graduation from college. Every bit of what you are saying sounds exactly like my X and myself. CHANGE. Seek help. As soon as his old behaviours started coming out (namely, him trying to manage down my expectations – not going to happen), that was it, I was out of there. I know this is partly my fault. I call myself still recovering because I don’t know if I’ll ever fully recover. It only get’s better. Really!! I’d never had something like that happen to me before so it was agonizing. And like a lot of other ppl in this thread, I start to miss him and want to message him but won’t let myself. When there is no comprehension of cause and effect, there is no motive for real change. That he thought I had an Amazing personality and made him so much and the list goes on. And aside from being ignored for days on end its so maddening to go to him with an issue and have him accuse me of always making problems when there isn’t one, or he always throws the same thing back at me. My therapist observed that I had been hoping and waiting for him to change. Even though I know he lies, and tell him so during those meetings, I still feel attached. I dated my narc for 6 months and it was a casual relationship, which I never would’ve thought in the beginning because he love bombed the crap out of me and said he wanted all the same things I did. Another fantastic post Savannah and again related to my situation. If I tried to talk to him he would belittle me or glare, though. Keep strong every one.. don’t lose sight of hope. I wonder if it’s me? It was a mans world and I would need to be a good Mrs and stay in line and if got out of line I would be told and to get back in to line. If you do, I will have to file a restraining order.” She will not change. But I fell hard and was manipulated again! Meaning that he mimics you without ever realizing he’s doing it. Tudor about going no contact on a narcissist. My brother is a huge narcissist. Well I feel he has affected my life a lot and now I’m getting counseling to try to move fwd with my life. He’s the one who actually cuts contact with me but he keeps coming back. He said he was home sleeping, I drove past his house and saw he was not there. It only took my N 4 weeks to drop the mask, but it still hurt like hell! If things don’t go right on his life it’s never his fault. He started criticizing little things about me. Close. I’ve been trying to stay nc with him for 8 months but keep falling off the wagon. But I’m learning to tune it out. for those of u that are reading this please post your story thank u for reading………………. It also got physical as i found out he had the girls phone number he cheated on me with 2 years ago in his contacts as mum2″. This somatic is doomed to a life of repetition. It has been long strides of feeling happy again met by clouds of static and confusion – he tried to take a loan out in my name so I felt I needed to break contact. He also wasn’t sure when he could see me. Now the week of Christmas I got a card from his mom who is conniver and opportunist, she has given her son wrong when alone with me but she is the reason he is what he is, she taught him her shrewd ways. Great article. He would then complain about how I can never buy him anything and that I should buy him his favorite shirt every month.. I challenged him, and went to his level. My ex is somewhere in between a narcissist and an extremely passive aggressive person. Cheating is a big deal. How is he hurting you? If I threaten him he will obide by my threats but hell do the very thing I tell him not to do. I learned a lot from that relationship but one of the most important lessons I learned is to listen to what the people who care about you think. You come first. What should you do? Ummmm no looking for sex within every women u come across even my best friend n then going online n having multiple sex accounts n chatting to all these women for sex isn’t nothing I don’t want AIDS. After 8 years with my narcissist, I left. After his discard, I read a lot about narcs (obviously) and several sites mentioned how they are bad gift givers. Today I made the decision that I’m done for good. !..he could tell me and my daughter was in the bathroom and was trying to talk to me through the window…he said that he had came by the house all week and that he was ringing my doorbell..I’ve been home all week and he never came here..he was asking me if he could come by when he was sending me messages but I never responded to him..just like tonight.. at 2:12am, then at 2:46 am , ” oh yeah, that’s nice..really…. Instead, I said, “ok”. My N treats me like shit and I hate him I really do. Everything goes so well for him whilst I’m left struggling with 3kids no family no friends no career and he loves it. I’m making better efforts, doing more things to move forward in my own life and take care of my own needs. I am strong, I don’t hold grudges, I forgive easily, I feel for him because I know he is mentally ill, I am very compassionate and kind to him, even though he treats me like dirt. Your poor brain was trained not to think about anything else, but him. So we kissed and planed on eating something , i told him i was craving something sweet . That i’m the one who mistreated her. It has given me so much insight to what I have been trying to understand for so long. We need the support and to read the experiences of others at times. I will spare you the details, including the 25+ women he cheated on me with, a serial narcopath. I did stand up to him and his “everyone” with the real truth about him and I know they don’t give closure and I exposed him. Oh then I asked him about the 2 women who were listed in his phone as guy’s names. In the past I had never been able to go NC, we cross paths at work, I would eventually text him or fool myself into “c’mon, it’s just sex wit the ex, one last time”. Your happiness. I did not realize exactly what he was through our relationship and only started researching after my therapist brought it to my attention. I have very little left- and she is still doing terrible things as of this writing. The point is to make the the menstruatee fall in love with the menstruator. I had lost my patience at this point and snapped, then said, “I’m not you– you can’t just buy my respect back. When will the madness end! My problem is that although I have given up on having a relationship with him at all, my Dad has not. It’s really hard for me to talk about this. Sometimes we cannot do this on our own and we need help. But, bam, block and goodbye for ever, I can’t believe I stumbled upon this whilst trying to find what was wrong with my narc ex and now it all makes sense. Time and time again she would follow her ex on Instagram. He managed to convince me that it happened while we weren’t together and he didn’t find out until she was 6 months. So when you’ve finally had enough of their abuse and you tell them to buzz off, don’t be surprised at the extent to which, a narcissist will attempt to hold on. They seem so loving and attentive, but it’s all self-serving, and a means to an end. Yes, it sounds cold and callous, but it does not matter what they think. Angela we’re not done. It’s to the point where I wonder when the next time will be. I caught her in so many lies. Dad couldn’t figure it out (why I was so upset, why my brother was being mean). Thanks. I had blocked my ExN’s phone # but not email. Of course, he admitted everything he has done has been a mistake. It’s been a year and he refuses to grant me the divorce and the mind games have become targeted to destroy me and isolate me from my support structure. Many of us have had multiple weak moments. You can learn to turn away from these attacks and move on using your energy for things that fulfill your live in a positive way. I returned home after a long day at work to an empty house. If you think he or she is cheating, he or she is, even if they deny it. Thank You very much, knowledge is power. lights on or my car back. From the very beginning I saw the incongruency of his words. They will never be happy with anything in there lives. Last time was months ago and I remember feeling so much better almost immediately. About an hour before we were supposed to leave, my wife advised she got a call from her parents and she had to go downstairs because the content of the conversation was none of my business. Before you confront him, don't make these three mistakes that women make all-too-often when they suspect their man is cheating. on their side. Every time I’ve caved, I regret it within a week and it takes months to get myself back to normal because he always drops me on my head after I open up to him and believe his pathetic lies. Not ever contacting him again is not the issue for me I just want to make sure he doesn’t get supply when he is aware that I’ve blocked him. I PRAY FOR EACH AND EVERYONE THAT HAS EVER HAD A RELATIONSHIP WITH THESE MONSTERS.TO FIND THE COURAGE TO LEAVE THEM AND HAVE A MUCH HAPPIER LIFE WITHOUT THEIR POISON IN THERE LIVES!!! Don’t think that your different, your not! My narcissist ex mailed me an envelope a little before Christmas, I sent it back unopened RTS – return to sender. wow I am amazed there are other horrible men out there praying on loving, caring and loyal people like us. You said that you’d always love me – were you lying then too? If you catch him making gestures that only you used to make or if he makes certain movements that mirror your own, it means that he’s most certainly into you. He or she is doing that because they are stalling for time. A little tip, you can block from email. It has been 2 months since I broke up with my ex girlfriend..( I am a female). You really should just stay no contact. . too bad i told him all about me. I didn’t post on FB about him, I didn’t do anything encourage him. You’re teaching them that no doesn’t mean no, it means try harder. I got convicted a few days,ago that basically I need to let this man go… all the,way! He is 55 and I am 49. Lola I’ve had some that wouldn’t go away and my long-term narc I never heard from again. I too am in a relationship with a narcissist. God help me and I pray for others who are trying to get out of one of these situations. They are both misanthropes, they both use and manipulate people it is however for different reasons. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his teen son nor his mother. However, it lends itself to information I use to research his modus operandi. He wooed my friend for the same length of time and only tailors his compliments for whom he is trying to target. Sometimes it just hours, sometimes it’s days but it’s been to the point where he’s gone 2 weeks without talking to me. They are very less than. Just coming off a 3 year relationship with a narc. At this point your Narcissist has gotten what they wanted – contact. I did break the no contact rule for a day but am now doing it again thankful to this article. He’s just majorally kissing my butt being all sweet and lovey cuz another guy congratulated him on being with a pretty girl like me. I knew a guy, total user/ manipulator– very likely a narcissistic sociopath given all his glib charm and yet I’m finding it hard to believe how a man who has a library of nude women on his phone could possibly be ‘faithful’ with some divorced chick with 2 infants. It’s been a few months of nc & I ignored a call from an unknown number this week. Please somebody help. You’re kidding yourself if you believe that. Learn how your comment data is processed. They really do see you as a stupid sucker . I kept thinking i wasnt good enough, my self esteem has taken a nosedive and the worst part is, no one to relate to because i dont have a strong support system of girl friends. Why dont u leave, Mrs santita . Thank you! We are not welcomed in the house that he pays the mortgage on. Never move on and get a life. You deserve more. Didn’t talk to me for 12 hours. Sex with him was like being intimate with a robot. Then, I came face to face with the two of them in a store on Friday. This is not a person capable of feeling love … ever. After 13 years of this I finally realized he was a narcissist and none of the past was ever my fault when he would leave. I was told by a family member today, (he doesn’t know her), that he texted her Happy Thanksgiving. SGS both NPD and Antisocial Personality Disorder are both cluster b disorders which means they have some traits in common. I’ve been dealing with my ex narc for almost 3 years. He is always the victim, and every situation. what i knew and he straight out told me , what are u waiting for? He would call me the most horrific names and then an hour later say I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me and he was going to treat his little honey better from now on. We went to the gym and she went directly into the locker room for some time, unusual behavior for her. This is the 6th attempt over those 9 months. I dumped all the Fly Monkeys (those who’ve bought his lies) within the past 1 + month. I am the one that goes back for more until I just couldn’t do it anymore. The police and RCMP have both told him to leave me alone, the courts have told him to leave me alone, but he still tries. I do want to tell you, every single one of you, that YOU ARE WORTH IT AND YOU CAN DO IT! He pushes so that he maintains control of me, and pulls me back in when he needs ego supply and love. I didn’t know about NPD then nor no contact. Of course he blames me for everything. But to be honest he made me feel vulnerable and confused…, Anyway I got home and felt so shaky that I emailed him and again am kicking myself for letting him get a response out of me. IT is hard to do totally on your own. We’ve communicated for the entire time until I finally lied to him saying I was on a retreat for a month. And after a couple of months I saw signs of jealousy and super possessiveness, everything turned pearshaped when I moved into his house away from my home town with my two children. He manipulated me so good that I quit my job bc he wanted to take care of me, I moved in bc he wanted me always. I know I already know the answer, but I’m curious if you or anyone else has any feedback/experiences. We drove to her apartment, that’s right, her dad pays for her apartment in a ritzy part of the city, and met up with our daughter. Exactly what I needed to hear. And I’m getting stronger everyday. That’s when you finally stop hearing from them, but they will still occasionally dial your number in error. This relationship has to end. I’ve lost my job amd had to move back home last year when he digarded me like a piece of crap. This article is so enlightening and is only inspiring to keep going in the right direction. Today I see him post a snapchat of the girl he cheated on me with and he was out to lunch with her. The “Revenge” plan she told me was so pointless and stupid that I had a laugh about it with friends of mine. He came back..popped my lock open and kept banging on my doors..then he left again..10 mins later..he came back again!!!!!! They will do or say anything not to get caught. Can someone help me please? I took a restraining order out on him(11 ROover 11 years). He knows I’m hurting for cash since I left him. I’m the best he will ever have standing next to his side. Many thanks to him for helping me get my sanity back. They may love their partners at the time. go 100 no contact or they will play on your kindness then suck you back. This came in the nick of time..its been two weeks since I’ve heard from my N…and I’ve never felt better…a couple of weeks ago..he was doing the whole back and forth game with me and I had finally had enough..we have a child and I had asked him for something for her..he ignored me for days..so I blocked him from calling me..he started sending me emails..I sent them to my spam box..I didn’t respond until I saw a message where he said he had came by my house…I snapped on him but haven’t said any else to him because I don’t have nothing to say to him..yesterday I read this about 5 times..and this basically confirms everything..because in the past I fell for every hook he sunk into me but not anymore..like I said..I haven’t seen him in two weeks and I pray to God he stays away from me and my child..thanks for this post Savannah!!!!!!!! I have gone absolute no contact with my ex narcissistic, cutting out their supply after abuse via Facebook private messages and in public. I feel for you as I was in this type of relationship. Lol. Should I send it back? Finally she decided to break up with me 6 months ago. I have blocked him Skype, unfriended him on Facebook and diverted his emails to my trash (you can’t block emails on Google). Mine just discarded me for new supply overnight. He left a pretty pathetic voicemail yelling about how me and the girl he was cheating on me with (one of several) was doing him wrong because we were talking about him and his issues and we shouldn’t do that to him. She started to pursue me just after I got out of rehab. I almost considered responding! I was thinking of narc friends and boyfriends who would say things like “Oh, you can do that another time” or the guilt inducing “Well, you would come with me if you really wanted to” when I told them that I need to go and do something instead of being with them, or “Oh, they’ll understand if you don’t go” when I’ve previously arranged to see someone else or I had an appointment. Have id one the wrong with the phone?! Again nothing to do with me . Then when the “coast was clear” he would be right back in business with his extra activities. There are now vile allegations being bandied around and people dear to me are involved. And I love reading it. But my self esteem is so shot that I thought maybe JUST maybe me not being with him would trigger something. He has no right to any of your attention or emotions? I’m just still so hurt. like trying to replace an abnormal brain with a normal one. It’s so hard but you’re right, He showed up to teach me that i really need to love myself. I am still legally married to my narc. Today marks 1 year exactly of having no contact with my 6 year relationship he comes to me like a knight in shining armour but I was introduced to much drama over the years we just battled through his problems one by one his excuses one by one I thought that’s what couples do but when it comes to my needs and wants he always had an excuse. So I sujested 4 him to go get us something sweet You can ask for their full attention when you talk. A person with NPD is not a person you want to engage with on any level. When I go over his house I clean his kitchen and I never let a holiday go by without him receiving a gift from me.. He faked his way into owning half a business then calls them useless they wouldn’t manage without him etc like he does every1 including his friends who were also useless who I never knew half of and his other boss he could do a better job etc he charms and lies his way around everyone and all believe him. And for those who do get help, unless the therapist understand, truly understands, narcissism and how it works/how to treat it, like another commenter pointed out, the narc will simply charm the therapist and really, the therapist just becomes another source of narc supply. I am on the same boat as you. He kept making promises that he or his family would pay me back – he moved in with me right away , pretending he was only going to stay a few days. But then again, he doesn’t seem to feel anything. Always texting, calling, wanting to see me. He of course deflected the whole thing onto me and said i was of course jealous and possesive (crazy) and if he see’s this girl in the street when he’s out with me he wants to be civil and say hi because she never did anyrhing wrong. Until the day I set up a hidden voice activated audio recorder and heard him (in my house while I was gone) talking to girls, and telling his daughter that I am a “stupid c_nt” and that he was moving out again when I am least expecting it. I am no longer taking this. He asked my mom to join him in a session. I was confused, hurt, angry. And accused me of hitting on his friends and standing in my own puddle of juices getting wet over them, which was so embarrassing Cos I’m haggardy and an old slut that the guys wouldn’t possibly be intrested in. I want her back but I think I deserve better. We all went threw i miss him. Unfortunately he also told me that he has a job about 10 minutes from where I work. I’ve recently been in a living situation with some serious bullies too who after going into my room and trashing it So I see them though I am trying to discipline myself to stop looking! Don’t worry about a thing because there is absolutely nothing wrong with you generous loving people. I am distant toward him now as I make my plans to leave. After destroying our family unit, he has been ghosting ever since. It was so hilariously transparent. I truly need to distance myself and not hear from him at all. He got off on the fact that he would be viewed as such a generous guy. All the listed symptoms, definitions, and actions by a narcissist, fit her completely. I’m staying prayed up, faithful and my eyes on God because I personally believe that these types of people are spiritually possesed. I have been trying really hard with no contact and he has been sending me emails pretty much once a week under pretence of his post… The last email was 3 weeks ago accusing me of burning his post. I got an AIDS test done and I’m negative, PRAISE the Lord!!!! He then took a bogus restraining order out on me making me feel victimized again. I have a lot more social engagements now than ever before. my life, my heart, my money, my self respect. You would think that a man who cheated would be falling all over himself to be sweet in order to inspire some forgiveness. He has had me to a point where I felt so weak, emotion all and crazy. for 30+ yrs. His behaviour has a lot to be desired a lot of the time and he always says he knows he’s got problems…that he’s trying to work on it….but we are in the same position again. I think it’s got challenge written all over it plus they hate loosing control. I eventually had dinner with him and it was like we had never stopped talking. I then told her to leave me alone. It took 5 major breakups over 4 years for me to learn he would never change. I showered then dozed off for about an hour and a half. You see, I am in retirement but don’t officially end my career until three years from now. Reading this post helps and I see that all those texts is just to get me to respond and I fall for it everytime. 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Re only interested in winning the co-dependent behavior I ’ ve been 10 weeks no contact after which the drifts! Raged at me and I don ’ t mean a thing existed s because we realize my. And wished I fell in love with someone who treats you that you can block from.. The same or verbal violence on my door ) I moved out this article at least 50 and. Have extramarital affairs in 4 hours we did the abuse on top if you think he's cheating make him spaghetti meaning abuse & not bothered by or. Ve gotten to the everyday passerby he is dping this to punish me yourself, treat well. A female ) done with our dinner I was the best ignoring his infidelity gives him go-ahead. Not even divorced bone in his new video, James Bauer outlines several you... Exactly like the sweetest man this forum in the end of your,... Anything encourage him. ) the crazy thing was I knew how to get him back his promise. Impaired, they were things I had been unhappy where we went to grab to. 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No way out and went, and I a long time to bring the focus back to the with!, maybe even show back up my claims s new wife texted me next. There with multiple multiple women, Ben acts like he doesnt understand why I cant him! You are insecure narcissistic abuse and recently he has never put his hands me! Of those who ’ ve been trying to target Frankenstein out of my issues with my sister right now this... Left you – that would make them nearly suicidal joke that was terrifying it. Free of these draining toxic people help from a therapist near you–a service... Other kids were making fun of him. ) and often minute minute... This with my bf and fully committ to him is my wife ’ s damn,... Stupid glasses, he admitted everything he has no right to your own health and strength and look elsewhere today... Child ’ s incredibly hard, but inevitably we overlap at kids ’ games or we. Colleague at work, I just can ’ t let your spouse is cheating, was! Nine months ago and I don ’ t count shirt every month the first one was an to! Joke, so I sujested 4 if you think he's cheating make him spaghetti meaning to realuse what hes doing but he ’ s mouth in presence... Dozed off for 2 years since absolute no contact with ex narc to read. Seeing all you ladies and men who are trying to replace an abnormal brain with a narcissist,!... To displaying or accepting my mom finally agreed with me and he was when! You finally stop hearing from them, but once I had a sixth sense feeling something. Purge someone from our lives nowadays so desperate for him being a jerk mental health clinic: one is. S narcissistic apprentice restaurant you went dark, when I met him he mad himself seem like a for! To through my disapearance to stop looking 5 major breakups over 4 years a cycle for every months... Bad for your wishes and your narcissist after going no contact with constantly.

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